This is the final Yoon Yong poem. I am in the process of writing a proper analysis/epilogue about the poem, as requested by a couple of loyal readers. I hope to have it done by next week.
Thank you for reading these poems. If anyone who would like these poems sent to them as a whole, email me at danielpaulmarshall85@gmail.com & I’ll sort this out for you.
The weather keeps her
…As the clouds tear open like a nail ripping open a vinyl-house
the rain in sheets colour the landscape grey
—graphite thatching in the sketches Sarang makes.
Quickly the fields flood | biblical waters spewing onto the road
—from nowhere a mudslide crashes through a wall
colliding with her flank flipping the car into a farm’s culvert.
She recovers herself | wipes blood from her lip
& manages to wriggle free of her seat belt
stumbling into the knee deep mud | the reservoir of debris
that was the road—her hands cushioning her body's collision
with the mud which without her knowing | steals her wedding ring |
she is stranded
— why do I feel so free?...
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This is a monumentally stunning piece of work. I’m wondering whether in fact the orphaned line works, or if it were included in the truncated line would it clothe its punch in a more subtle glove. But, oh brother!
I deliberated, but I felt that the loop needed to be broken: the ring is lost she is out the loop, but the elipsis is still there, a staggering doubt is there, inexorably at the limits of fate looking in & patient. For now her weather has materialized outwardly to give her a hand making the decision. The “orphaned line” is this.
I think if I’d used this anywhere in the poem it wouldn’t impact, but seeing as it is the only time, it becomes a statement.
Thanks again for reading these. You’ve given me confidence to write fictional, narrative poetry. There’ll be more, but a new character.
It still raises questions for me, but it’s your baby.
I’m all ears, always.
A great series with a great “ending”… the mud “stealing” her wedding ring. Really great series… thanks for writing it!
Her internal weather broke the loop by materializing in the world.
Thanks for reading Daniel.
Now to think about what I can start posting here. haha.
Commentary on each of the Y.Y. poems would be great… essays on the various themes?
Something to think about. End of the week I’ll post a short piece on the inception & structure in general.