A good deal of confusion…

Still trying to get my head on straight, I have the neck thread into the shoulders, but maybe the thread has worn on the fixture or on the head. Toggling, wiggling to get the thread in place, the satisfying couple of the track of the thread so that the light bulb blinks on into full, hard light. The wagging struggle is on going.

Thought I’d compensate with a poem from the Yoon Yong series, not as daring as the previous one, but more formally different & in its form, akin to my current state of mind. In addition, & a bit late, but better late than never, thanks & congratulations to Linda Wolff for including my poem Moonlit Migrations in issue#1 (The Ache of the Pen) of her Wolff Literary Press & the best of luck in a long run into the future.

A good deal of confusion
 
…Ov-er-a-ffect-ed-praise-for-a-lav-ish-ly-poin-tless
-la-vish-ly-pre-sent-ed-meal-that-they-have-eat-en
 
-be-fore-pres-ented-in-a-nothe-r-way-but-not-this-way
-&-so-gasp-like-a-can-of-coke-pho-to-their-caf-é-lat-tes
 
-g-reen-teas-pre-tending-to-read-a-book-while-looking-at-In-stagram
-&-post-ing-the-27th-self-ie-of-the-day-with-e-moji-the-lot
 
-be-cause-it-makes-them-think-they-look-in-tell-i-gent-or-deep-&-pro-found
-with-a-book-at-least-o-pen-at-tent-ion-span-of-30-secs-top-un-til-they-see
 
-a-dress-they-want-or-a-pair-of-shoes-they-wish-they-had
-&-know-they’d-look-bett-er-in exa-gger-a-ted-wat-er-ing-of-eyes
 
-the-wit-her-ing-of-in-tell-ect--that-hyp-er-bol-ic-show-of-fear-at-a-dog-bark-ing
-tied-to-a-wall-no-less-to-show-e-ver-y-one-near-them-they-are-cute-O-so-cute
 
-&-the-irony-is-they-are-so-much-happier-than-me
&-al-ways-will-be-‘cause-they-don’t-have-to-think-for-them-selves
 
—ugh…
 
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9 Comments

  1. I really don’t want to write this, but I’m afraid it’s become a pet peeve with me and the evolution of WordPress’ editorial aspirations.

    Interesting that your SOME THOUGHTS ON DIFFICULT POETRY is tagged here as a “Related” post. I don’t think this is where you were going with that, yet here we are. I still disagree with the Gutenberg editor’s finish. Having to slide the text left and right inside a grey box to get to the end/beginning of the lines makes it unappealing. The look of Courier fixed-type even more so.

    The depth of your writing makes it worth the choppy presentation, but I wonder how many readers will be as patient with this text-form?

    A tip of the hat, Daniel.

    1. Yes, I see your point. I haven’t explored it more & fonts etc may be changeable. I think some more effort on my part may reveal more in the Gutenberg, as I say ‘not got my head screwed on quite right’. Hopefully this editor isn’t the tip of the iceberg & they’ll develop it more.
      Glad that what I post still encourages your best efforts.

  2. Keep in mind you are dealing with both a divorce and reverse culture shock at the same time. It is a major upheaval in your life, so no one including yourself should expect (your) life to be “normal” for some time. Also, you are fairly hard on yourself while thinking rather deeply about existence, so you have this third aspect of your life in play. Deep thoughts, divorce and culture shock… not a recipe for instant joy! Be patient with your soul and give it time to heal. Be nice to yourself, you have earned some time away from the serious aspects of life. Easier said than done of course, but at least you have earned it.

    In fact I challenge you to find some joy, however small. When I went through some really tough sh*t I was told to make a gratitude journal, filled with all the things I liked: various memories, top ten lists of songs I liked, favorites memories with various girlfriends, and so on. I left a page at the beginning of a notebook for a Table of Contents, and then wrote a single page for each topic, so I could cram in as many things to be grateful for as a I could. It may feel contrived, a forced method of faking joy (like we are all going to go prancing hand in hand on a merry trip to Cockaigne!), but I guarantee you it works in opening up one’s heart and letting some/a lot of of the pain escape. Some of my pages were:

    Five Favorite East Asian Foods
    Five Favorite Gigs I Played in Japan
    Five Favorite Monty Python Sketches
    Five Favorite Songs
    Five Favorite Apartments/Houses I Have Lived In
    Five Favorite Memories of my PhD Years.

    The pages/lists don’t have to be grand, anything is fine if it makes you think less about pain and more about sh*t that makes you feel nice on the inside.

    I DARE you to smile! 🙂

    1. Cheers Daniel. Good advice. One of my problems is getting out of the frame of mind I had when I lived in England 8 years ago. I apply this to people here, who I know have changed, as I have changed. The same doesn’t apply to the 24 year old me who last lived here. This 33 year old me has an upheaval people around me understand & sympathize with, which is helpful. Structure is what I crave, a job, routine. I have my plan to go back to study, which is a real anchor & something I am really looking forward to.
      Thanks for your insights as always Daniel.

      1. Thinking about serious sh*t all the time is an addiction, stronger than most others, especially to the intellectual. If “religion is the opiate of the masses” then “seriousness” is the opiate of the intellectually minded. It is HARD to stop pumping deep thought into our veins when it makes us feel like we are making “progress’ merely by struggling with complex philosophy. AJ Ayer’s “Language , Truth, and Logic” is great… but it is even better when accompanied by laughter, beer, and a good afternoon nap…

        1. Can’t quarrel with this assessment pal. Luckily there is a damn good ale house in town with a good atmosphere & the amber flows like honey. That does me a heap of good.

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