A quiet pub. Gumph | a simple chap in workman’s overalls stands with a pint of Worthington’s best bitter nattering to the bartender. Dermott | a fop | head to heel in a heavy mustard suit | a near baize-like material it’s so heavy— he looks out of sorts with the other patrons. He walks up & orders…

Dermott: “…Pint of London Pride please my good man. Make it a good head will you sir.”
Gumph: “You ‘eard?”
(Dermott leers down at the funny looking little man).
Dermott: “I don’t hear | I listen.”
Gumph: “Wotz the diff’rence?”
Dermott: “Firstly | there is the semiotic…”
Gumph: “’Semiotic?’ D’ya need antibiotics to clear that lot up? Sounds painful.”
(The bartender & Gumph laugh hahahahahahahahaha).
Dermott: “It is the study of signs & symbols. One’s humors | if you’ll excuse the pun | don’t come into it my good man. Anyway | I’ll beg your pardon not to interrupt | it is poor etiquette. The semiotic difference means that they are two entirely different words with subtle differences in meaning depending on context. Therefore | ‘to hear’ in my esteem is to have something done to you or happen to you against your will. Whilst ‘to listen’ is something you do of your own volition | it is processing with one’s full attention. It is a matter of control.”
Gumph: “I ‘av problems controlling my bladder & tongue :itrunsawayfromussometimes&Ijuststarttattlingonabout’owmissusCornerstoneoftheemporium&dancehallstarletonceabloodyniftydancer&abostingpairofpegs&titson’eronceusedtogivemecreambunsjus’fershowin’upearlyonaSaturday…”
Dermott: “DESIST your infernal blathering you peculiar little spud of a man!!… what was it you wanted to tell me that ‘you ‘eard’ for I’d very much like to escape you & go drink my pint of nectar in peace?”
Gumph: (Scratches head) “O erm… wot…erm… woz it now? I forgot.”
Dermott: “O grief to a man | spare me these rigmaroles.”


To purchase Isacoustic volume 1 featuring poetry by me & a spectrum of other fine poets click here.


Posted by:DPM

DPM is an idea-logue (sic) and object-oriented speculative realist, attempting to be response-able in an irresponse-able society.

3 thoughts on “A quiet pub…

  1. Worth it too just for DT staring back at ya. ….I was put in mind of the Irish too, the Cyclops scene in Ulysses, I was expecting a bread roll to stand in somewhere for Odysseus’ spear & get shoved in Gumph’s eyeball

    1. i always have a large part of the conversation in mind first, the dialogue is essentially characterless, then i fill in the scene around the dialogue. i actually had in mind a lawyer who used to come in the paper shop i worked in when i was a wee lad. He wasn’t a fop, nor derisive, but he was out of place & odd He always wore mustard tweed, he spoke very refined English, which sounded odd in our town & looking back, he lived alone & was probably a closet homosexual; at least they were the rumours. Gumph could be literally anyone between the ages of 45 & grave bound in my town, haha.

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