I wish to return to Charlie Malarkey. In the last poem Meanwhile in Paradise Lost we discovered that heaven is in a shambles. Its all gone tits up. On Earth as it is in Heaven. Well in this post i’d like to tell you a few things about Charlie you really need to know.
Some things you should know about Charlie
Breath like a Goidel munching liver n’ onions.
More out of place than a Pict at a make-up counter.
Farts like a tiger after a gazelle supper.
As sincere as an empty stomach.
Not as ugly as Dot Cotton but uglier than Deidre Barlow.
Not interested in religion but it’s interested in him.
Looks as if he’s been cudgeled with a duck’s foot.
& battery acid leaking from his arsehole time to time
& from his ear’oles if he ain’t ‘ad Weetabix ‘n rum;
bett’r ‘avit examint by the dentist-man
– a beautiful incongruity of Charlie’s life.
He’d change his diet if the stove worked & his brain.
He wants a woman who smells of Osmanthus Fragrans
but don’t know what it smells like: never smelt it;
it isn’t native to the British Isles.
When he thinks (or thereabouts) he looks like a dog with itchy teeth
trying to gnaw its leg off so as to satisfy the itch.
An orphan who cries his dead mother to sleep.
He reads to himself but only in his dreams : he cannot read.
His jokes flat as a witch’s tit & too to be his fate.
His love & kindness deep as a nun’s habit & piety.
He is Godly God’s purest object of creation.