i never thought i’d do this: i suppose i always assumed it wasn’t the done thing, that unspoken act that makes people wince within, but is essentially harmless, maybe even sensible; perhaps i am entirely incorrect & have not made an accurate judgement about people, very probable- i dearly hope i have been wrong.
i haven’t wanted anything for a long time. nothing at all. not an item i can possess or a goal i can progress toward. i have a very simple life, i don’t have a bank account, well i do but it has been dormant & full of spider webs for two years now. i work maddeningly hard, seven days at the guesthouse i built. i sleep in a laundry room as i have no house of my own. i cook the guests’ brekkie every morning & wash bed quilts & hoover & scrub & smile; & all the while i do this like an automaton, i think of poetry, of how i can make this life a long poem, how i can alter my perceptions into a poem.
So i need help: i don’t know about the industry, the etiquette, what magazines might be interested in my work, how best to address the magazine & the manner in which i should present myself. All i know is that after a long period of self evaluation & fastidious critique on myself; after writing & studying poetry seriously for about 8 years & a having spent my childhood secretly admiring & fantasizing about the poet, i want a readership, i want to be a poet, i want to see my work in print.
Quite honestly, this has never really interested me. i wrote the poems to learn about how the mind processes learning into a literary form. i always wrote poems because of the rarity of the world becoming a poem, as Wallace Stevens told us. Moreover, i knew my work was still shoddy, unkempt & naive. i think turning 30 has been the smack in the gob that has made me want to do this.
So i am asking people to help me. if you read a couple of my poems & know a magazine suited to my work then let me know, if you know a contact or anything at all, or just some general advice, anything would be appreciated; however, i’d rather not be encouraged, as it is ultimately useless to me, i have already spurned my will to act, i have done away with my apathy, i need some good solid help, something i can work with; please don’t take this the wrong way, i am just not comfortable with its function.
i’ll take this opportunity to thank the few people who have strayed into my blog. Much obliged to you.